On and Off posting and Why I'm Okay with it.
If you know me, and I assume you do, if you are reading this, then you know I can be hard on myself. Over the last several months, through an action-packed work schedule, travel, lots of occasions with friends, and the WORST common cold I have had in my life, I let this blog, my Instagram posts, and even, the journaling of my daily tea tasting languish a bit. And I have been disappointed in myself because of it. "Here we go", I thought, "Just another thing I started and then lacked the discipline to continue." At points when I wanted to post or write I would tell myself that whatever I put out there had better be good enough to make up for the time in between.
That shame I felt from the self-inflicted criticism robbed me of something I get so much engagement from - engaging with the tea community - and I got tired of denying myself. I recently read Playing Big by Tara Mohr. That's a lie. I listened to it. Anyway, the concepts I took away most enthusiastically are the Inner Critic and the Inner Mentor. Once I recognized that it was my Inner Critic chastising me for my on-again off-again social media presence, it became easier to examine those thoughts for what they are: just thoughts. I then tried to imagine what my Inner Mentor, the older, wiser, accepting version of myself, would say to those critiques and I almost laughed out loud. What it boiled down to was "Who. forking. cares? There are like four people reading this!" That's right, who cares? I'm in this space because I want to be, occupying as much of it as I have the time for. It's not a job. It's not an assignment. It's something I do for myself.
I feel lighter just having written that. What a relief to be able to look the source of anxiety in the face and say, "no more." I can post if and when I want to post. I can write if and when I want to write. If there is a lot going on with my family, at work, or if I want to show up for my friends, it might have to wait. The richness of my life is derived, in party, from ever changing and evolving priorities, so while I can do almost everything, I can't do everything ever day. And that's okay. I'm okay with it.